The other day I was having a conversation with my “mortgage guy”. Amazingly, even though I bought the house in March, I already could save money on a refinance. We started talking about everything that has happened since I made the purchase, and of course we migrated to the topic of Covid. I told him that we all contracted it back in August. He so kindly asked, “Do you mind talking about your experience?” I really appreciated the level of sensitivity. I don’t mind talking about it, but I know some people do. I also appreciated that he never asked, “Do you know where you got it?” That question to me is so loaded. I feel like it is a litmus test of how careful people have been during the pandemic. People can hear where we caught it and think, “Well my behavior is not THAT risky so we will be fine.” Whatever works to justify other’s feelings I suppose.
As we continued talking, he was surprised how I still have lingering symptoms. I barely talk about it anymore, because 4 months later no one wants to hear it. I still have diminished taste and smell, and when this picture was taken, breakthrough migraines. It is frustrating enough that I have now added another chronic illness to my list, but to know that regardless of how strong the Depakote is, and no matter how well it works, I will still have days where the pain makes its way to the surface. Those are the days I am reminded how serious this illness can be.
When I started this blog and did some other writing about my experience with Covid, I expected it would consume me longer than it did. Quickly, I realized that spending all of my time thinking about it was not making me better, but it could make me a better person. I spent a lot of time reflecting on how I can take my experience, and this entire 2020 experience, to put good out into the world. I am currently on a very personal journey. Everything is happening exactly how and when it should. I am not Covid. I am not my illnesses. I am inspired. I am excited.